Children’s Attitudes towards Parents
Allah SWT says in the Holy Quran: ``Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but him, and that you be kind to your parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour, and out of kindness lower to them your wings of submission, and say ‘My Lord, have mercy on them as they cared for me when I was little” (Quran17:23-24) There are numerous verses in the holy Quran where Allah SWT instructs us to be kind and respectful to our parents. In this particular verse, Allah the Almighty emphasises the importance of taking a positive attitude in our dealings with our parents. We cannot attain the pleasure of Allah without obtaining the satisfaction and approval of our parents also. Our attitude towards our parents is only second in importance to the worship of Allah. With the pleasure of Allah being every Muslim’s ultimate goal, it is essential that we develop a positive attitude that would help us be the kind of children that are described as “qurat a’yon” (Solace of the eyes).
Whether your relationship with your parents will be a happy one or dissolve quickly depends on your attitude. Many young people today entertain strong feelings of entitlement. This is not always accompanied by strong notions of responsibility. As a result, they can be difficult to satisfy and are often unappreciative of their parents’ efforts.
The notion that parents live worlds apart from their children and thus fail to understand them is often maintained by the youth. Often dubbed the ‘generation gap’, these real or imagined differences between parents and their children can only go so far as our attitude would allow. Approaching your relationship with your parents negatively can only widen this gap, make you more resentful and possibly break the most important of family ties. However, if you take it upon yourself to think and act positively, be patient and grateful for what you do have, your relationship will be a happy one. How else can you build the right attitude towards your parents? Here are some steps that can help you get started:
Family is important and the strength of every family comes from the reciprocal relationship between parent and child. Ensuring a positive environment at home is essential if the members are to enjoy healthy and supportive relationships.
- Learn and apply your religion. Religion covers all aspects of life and following it will improve your relationship towards your parents and everyone else.
- Reflect on your own behaviour. What are you doing to help or harm your relationship with your parents?
- Ask for feedback. If you have siblings, ask them to give you their honest opinion regarding your behaviour without being resentful.
- Make an honest attempt to see and understand things from your parent’s point of view. They do have more experience and have your interest in mind.
- Communication is a two-way street. It is as much your responsibility to ensure the lines of communication are open between you and your parents as it is theirs.
- Bear in mind that your parents have invested time, effort, and wealth in raising you and more than that they have invested their love. Remembering that will strengthen your bond and help you overcome any misgivings you may have.
- Take pleasure in whatever you do for your parents. Intend to do it for the sake of Allah and you will be rewarded for it as a form of worship.
- Associate with people who are positive. Choose friends who have a positive attitude and this will make it easier for you to maintain such an attitude.
- Take responsibility for those things you can control and don’t dwell on the things you cannot control.
- If you feel irritated or annoyed by your parents, try to communicate your issues calmly. Remain patient and hide your irritation until it is gone.
- Enjoy and be delighted in your parents’ company.
- Remember that your relationship with your parents has a direct and indirect affect on your other relationships.
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